as if,

sometimes it feels like the past was so real.
But when i think about it, it wasn't real at all.
I was being faked out in a wonderful reality of my own creation.
You weren't really everything you said you were.
Nor did you stick to any promises.
And I wasn't to you what I convinced myself I was.
Not even close..

And then i was stuck in some dead zone.
where i couldn't grasp the entirety of it all.
Much less, grasp the untruth of the whole thing.
I was stuck here, in a hole where i was drowning in pity for the longest time.
It sucked man.
You turned me cold, lonely, broken.
Its been a difficult task to find who I was before I let you hop onto the ride of my life.

But don't worry,
I found myself when i was on the bottom.
It was ridiculous to put myself there in the first place.
Its okay, I can live my life without the confusion of you in it.

Maybe you linger in my mind at times.
But I vow to never let myself go like that again,
i refuse to let my guard down until i know its right.

No single soul deserves my whole heart until God proves to me its the right time.
I'm going to be guarded.
I'm going to be careful.
Proverbs 23:14 shall be my motto.
"GUARD YOUR HEART ABOVE ALL ELSE..."